So…I watched ‘A Serbian Film.’ These are my thoughts.

by Ben

fucking bullshit

A Serbian Film was supposed to be the most graphic representation of assrape, babyboning, corpsepounding, and general skullfuckery known to mankind. It was largely concluded that this film would leave viewers permanently disfigured emotionally and sexually, and it was effectually the worst possible snuff ever made…even though it’s not fucking snuff, it’s just a bunch of fake dicks, fake babies, fake skullbanging, and fake decapitation/necrophilia. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers so we take what we can get. Just like Mai-chan’s Daily LifeA Serbian Film refuses to stop once it starts, and if you’re not mentally prepared for what’s to come, you might well have to make like Budd Dwyer and kill yourself afterwards. And publicly: don’t forget that part. So the rest of us can watch it over and over again with our hands down our pants.

Thought the First: This film is elegantly framed and the cinematography is nothing short of gorgeous. Every single scene is fabricated with obvious TLC, as if director Srđan Spasojević and cinematographer Nemanja Jovanov knew precisely what they were creating and went about it with meticulous care. It doesn’t matter if it’s the building block scenes in the beginning, which characterize Milos, Marija, and Petar, or the concluding spectacles with Milos thrusting his erection through the eye socket of a villain. It’s all veraciously engineered, which makes the gruesome nature of its content that much more powerful. It’s compelling stuff.

Thought the Second: The characters are manufactured impeccably, to the point where you can feel for them. Headlining personality Milos, played by Srđan Todorović, displays a tour-de-force, transforming from a family-oriented father figure, who has given up his porno days for the sake of his wife and son, to a despondent man with no choice but to pull the trigger on his brood. Primary antagonist Vukmir is likewise interpreted to be a purveyor of snuff products to a rich elite, ruthless in the execution of his cause.

Thought the Third: A Serbian Film is chock-full of lulz. Everything you’ve heard about this movie is true to some extent or another. There’s a scene where a pregnant woman delivers her offspring into the waiting hand of a man who promptly sticks his dick in the infant; there’s a scene where the main character unknowingly surprise buttsexes his own son; there’s a scene where Milos doggy-style nails a woman (while on “fuck-dope,” which he was tricked into drinking), then is handed a machete and hacks off her head in order to induce rigor mortis; there’s a scene where a woman’s teeth are all knocked out, she’s throat-fucked, then suffocates to death on cock; there’s a scene where Milos’ wife, Marija, is porked by his brother, who had previously fapped in their lavatory; there’s a scene where Milos is buttreamed by a man; and during the finale, a man orders another to knob-blast the corpses of Milos, Marija, and Petar, and to “start with the little one.”

Thought the Fourth: There is no possible way these previously-mentioned lulz are any sort of allegory for anything other than those who suffer from a distinct addiction to guro and/or severe cock envy (see: Sigurdur Hjartarson). Due to the fact that everyone’s front-mounted bitch splitter is gigantic, and that there’s about as many scenes with male members exposed as their female counterparts, I can do nothing but conclude that the writers, the director, and the actors are all raging douchebags. Despite Spasojević’s claim that A Serbian Film is: “…a diary of our own molestation by the Serbian government… It’s about the monolithic power of leaders who hypnotize you to do things you don’t want to do. You have to feel the violence to know what it’s about,” I find no evidence to support this inside the film itself. There’s nothing to support this claim, from which I deduce that A Serbian Film is nothing more than simple exploitation of a theme previously established by Eli Roth’s Hostel series. And by the way, Hostel did it over one hundred times better; this film focuses far too much on itself to be taken seriously. It’s an egomaniacal delineation of slashfic and/or a severe obsession with rape.

Thought the Fifth: It’s really not that graphic, particularly when compared to some of the bullshit I’ve seen on the internet. If you’ve been using the interballs for longer than five minutes, or are over the age of nine, finding actual snuff (e.g. 3guys1hammer, 1guy1jar, 1girl99stomps, 1lunatic1icepick, 1guy1screwdriver, any number of beheadings on BestGore, hai2u, or tubgirl) is pretty goddamn simple. Even LiveLeak has worse and far-more-gory imagery than A Serbian Film. The only exceptions I can think of would be the babyfuck scene and when Milos assravages his own son; these two scenes are the only time I thought the film was “pushing its priorly-established boundaries” a bit too far. But even then the film doesn’t really show either act distinctly, besides a little ballsac.

In Conclusion: A Serbian Film was incontestably created to shock audiences. There’s no hidden meaning whatsoever, regardless of what its creators might have you believe. It’s not a statement about politics, about Eastern Europe’s fascination with sex, or about the region’s rape culture. It’s pure pseudo-snuff through and through. Although it’s beautifully constructed, A Serbian Film really falls without a larger picture. The shock value alone isn’t enough to hold the thin narrative together, which is really a travesty considering what it could’ve been. In the end, I don’t recommend anyone really go watch this film. If you’re in the mood for a little disturbing excitation, go read this, or find a copy of Fitna to watch, or just fap to buttsex porn. Do pretty much anything besides waste 104 minutes on a subtitled try-harding lampoon of infantrape, eyefuckage, necro, and incest.

In Conclusion #2: Just so any of my previous statements aren’t taken out of context and/or misunderstood; I didn’t like this movie. I thought its graphic nature was pointless, without real ambition. Despite being well-shot and well-acted, A Serbian Film lacks a statement or thesis. Also, in case you were confused, I find skullfucking, assbanging, buttsex porn, and God/Jesus slashfic hilarious. When I know it’s completely and so obviously fake, what other suitable reaction is there? Should I be shocked and turn off the film? No, that would be admitting defeat. Should I be buttflustered and write an angry letter to the producers? No, that would accomplish exactly nothing. Should I be mad that such a film was even created in the first place? No, because like in reality I can’t retcon existence/life. Should I not have watched this movie in the first place? To that I can say definitively ‘yes,’ since I really didn’t have a good time. But unlike watching actual snuff, where my reactions range from quickly closing the tab in Chrome to having to go outside for fresh air, A Serbian Film is so over-the-top in its execution that I found it amusing. Am I a pervert for saying that? Frankly I couldn’t give a shit.