Memoirs of a man who once fucked himself into space

by Ben

I didn’t really feel like drawing pictures today, but then I decided to anyway because whatever. Also chocolate cupcakes have been made and they smell good, which makes me immediately think of that time when I ate a chocolate cupcake while I was engaging in a passionate bout of solo play.

One time (ten minutes ago), someone emailed me and told me I should personify my site into a steady character with a theme and everything. You know, because apparently there aren’t enough sites that do this already. I took the liberty of posting the email, as promised.

Also, I realie after the fact that I only drew one dick instead of the plethora of dicks. I also realize now that I didn’t do as great a job at editing the screen as I thought. Damn, you caught me.

Also, I don’t really know how this person got my address since I try to not share that sort of thing. Actually not at all, but I don’t exactly go around flaunting it either, which gives me the impression this person is someone I know in real life. And that sort of limits it because I only know seven people in real life and I’m not on speaking terms with three of them.

But to the point at hand, I don’t think I have the artistic ability or stamina to think of and animate a steady character. I tried this once on an old site I had (trust me, it was way less shitty than this one), but I quit halfway into the first comic. You could say I have ADHD, but in reality I have a chronic case of not giving more than 0.0000119 of a fuck. Plus, I do funny things in spare time when I’m not being a productive member of society -or I’m not regretting all the life decisions which got me to this point- and drawing actual things is time consuming. One time I tried to draw a poster for someone (for free, no commission involved) but I decided instead to stick my thumb up my butt and watch Robin Williams films.

Anyway, I got to thinking what a comic would look like if I drew it. Here are some prototypes. I spent at least four hours on each one.

Prototype One: Dildo Man, a superhero in no way resembling Batman:

Prototype Two: Kellen Rage, a transsexual man clone of Ellen Page who is mad at everything:

Prototype Three: A fat gnome who thinks everyone is a buttpained nerd:

Prototype Four: Derpjesus

And then I quit doing anything which involved my brain for the rest of the day. Except sex things, because sex.

Also it should be noted that I just deleted the Tongan post that Numbnuts, Jr. up there was talking about. Turns out when I went back to read it, it was kinda racist. Then I deleted about 150 other posts, because they sucked an enormous quantity of dickbutt.