I LET A BEE IN THE HOUSE oh fuck
I was going to write about last week when I was down south and got solicited by an old man (in case you are confused on this point, I mean that a man of significant age requested I place his penis in or around my mouth in exchange for currency), but then I opened the front door to check the temperature and I LET A BEE INTO THE HOUSE AND NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THERE IS A BEE IN THE HOUSE.
I was so distracted I spent about 1,400 hours in Photoshop drawing this. In fact, I was…how shall I say?….DISTRAUGHT.
Imaginary Woman: So how was your day?
Me: Oh, you know…nothing special.
Imaginary Woman: You know I told you I wanted to hear about your life!
Me: My day? OH NO PROBLEM: I CHASED A FUCKING BIRD-SIZED BEE AROUND THE HOUSE WITH TWO NEWSPAPERS AND A SANDAL BECAUSE FUCK YOU THERE WAS NO OTHER WEAPON HANDY AND THEN I TRIPPED OVER A BOX OF SCREWDRIVERS AND IT HURT REALLY BAD AND THEN THE BEE GOT AWAY SO I GOT A BOTTLE OF SPRAY DISINFECTANT BUT THAT DIDN’T REALLY WORK AND IN FACT SEVERELY DAMAGED THE NEW PAINT WHICH KIND OF SUCKS BUT THEN THE BEE MADE ANGRY NOISES SO I FORGOT ABOUT THE PAINT AND CHASED THE BEE SOME MORE BUT IT ESCAPED AND IS NOW HIDING PROBABLY IN MY BEDROOM SO IT CAN FUCK MY FACE WHEN I GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT. How was your day, darling?
Imaginary Woman: Let’s see other people.
Me (to myself): FUCKING BEES!