Wrestling topless with wild gorillas would not be as good as this music

by Ben

Obviously I enjoy music quite a bit; moreover, I’m actually somewhat of a creative and uninhibited person. Hence, I actually find non-English music to be quite arousing.

Mówię nie polskim. Innym niż to. But I do know a good song when I hear it, despite the piss-old lead singer and words which make no sense to my ears. Most of the non-English tunes I listen to are more akin to electronic or techno than I’m proud of, but every now and again something comes along which is really quite a pleasure to hear. I never would have looked to Polish punk rock to find a hidden gem or two, but now that I have there’s actually quite a bit of good music out of that nation. Plus, Poland could probably do with some positive press these days (I’m watching you, Putin: ‘fog’ my ass).

Every gamer -and especially those addicted to Warcraft III (not me, that shit is boring)- in the past four years has fapped furiously to Basshunter’s DotA. That I find not only this track but several other Basshunter songs of quality makes me somewhat ashamed. But then I realize that I’m awesome and I stop caring. Notes: 1) Everyone knows TS is the best game speaking option 2) I have never pleasured myself to Basshunter 3) Lists are awesome.

Антиаборт в песне? Конечно! I am usually never one for messages in my media (read: blockbuster films with ulterior motives, societal icons backing causes, et cetera), but I’ll make an exception here since this song is badass. Don’t speak Russian? Can’t extrapolate? No biggie, because there’s also an English version of the song. But then again, the English version blows since the translation isn’t direct. Additionally and of some importance, I couldn’t, in all good conscience, post or link the unedited song and video. For you malcontents (this is the internet, after all), Beliy Plaschik tries to one-up Libertine in more ways than one. Take that as you will. Lastly, for you people with morals, Beliy Plaschik is about anti-abortion. That’s the message here, not something sexual or perverse. I had you going there, admit it. Since I hate redundancy, 220 came in second place for my choice of t.A.T.u. tracks to post.

This one I stumbled onto entirely by accident via a nifty Youtube accident: I was searching for Rammstein’s ‘Sehnsucht’ and happened upon Schiller’s tune of the same name. I haven’t taken the effort involved to actually listen to the lyrics and figure out what’s going on (here’s to a half dozen years of German education being wasted), but the mellowness of the track mixed with a few Matrix OST-type undertones makes this rendition quite good. I would imagine the actual meaning of the song is a bit different than what I assume, but I care not. Don’t watch the next video.

You can’t say I didn’t warn you, because I warned the shit out of it. This is what I originally meant to find, but lo and behold there isn’t a music video for this track. I’ve been a moderate fan of Rammstein for about seven years now, and back when I used to actually purchase my music at the store, I acquired several of their CDs. One overpowered amp and two blown speakers later, Sehnsucht was my favourite track and exuded the most amount of wattage and playtime on what was left of my various stereo components. As a note to the video, it’s a fan-made production using footage from Stigmata; I figured it was slightly better than a static image of the album’s cover art (which is, in fact, more disturbing than what I provided).

I know, I spent quite a bit of time calling Kate Ryan a skank the other day (which I am proud of and stick by 100%), but something about the background ambiance, dance-type bridging, and electronic engineering stimulates my erogenous areas enough that I felt I should share this experience with you. I am a little disappointed in the musical construction of the bridge, though; my ears expected it to go down and instead it is kept in even tune with the rest of the notes. Very sad.  Je dis toujours que Kate Ryan est une salope.

I believe at some other point in time I’ve professed my musical bromantic man crush on E-Type, but I forgot to clarify that I was referencing his older, non-English songs and not the more recent and contemporary Britdance trash. This, I feel, is somewhat of a better example than ‘Life,’ but still not precisely what I was going for. I will accept all judgment you wish to convey at this point in time.